For those of you who read this group and happen to be computer geeks like me :), here's something I found some time ago in /usr/local/emacs/etc/sex.6 (In with the emacs source.) on our server...thought you might like it. SEX(6) EUNUCH Programmer's Manual SEX(6) NAME sex - have sex SYNOPSIS sex [ options ] ... [ username ] ... DESCRIPTION sex allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) speci- fied in the command line. If no users are specified, they are taken from the LOVERS environment variable. Options to make things more interesting are as follows: -1 masturbate -a external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option -b buggery -B<animal> bestiality with <animal> -c chocolate sauce option -C chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s -W) -d<file> get a date with the features described in <file> -e exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the net) -f foreplay option -F nasal sex with plants -i coitus interruptus (messy!) -j jacuzzi option (California sites only) -l leather option -m masochism (see -s) -M triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option -n necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program kills it) -o oral option -O parallel access (orgy) -p debug option (proposition only) -q quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am) -s sadism (target must set -m) -S sundae option -v voyeurism (surveys the entire net) -w whipped cream option -W whips (see also -s, -C, and -m) ENVIRONMENT LOVERS is a list of default partners which will be used if none are specified in the command line. If any are specified, the values in LOVERS is ignored. FILES /usr/lib/sex/animals animals for bestiality /usr/lib/sex/blackbook possible dates /usr/lib/sex/sundaes sundae recipes /usr/lib/sex/s&m sado-masochistic equipment BUGS ^C (quit process) may leave the user very unsatisfied. ^Z (stop process) is usually quite messy. MAN AUTHOR Author prefers to be anonymous. HISTORY Oldest program ever.